I'd like to start by saying that this would be SO MUCH EASIER to do on a computer rather than this...thing. Also, I'd like to apologise for the lack of pictures in this one. There have been a few technical kinks that need to be worked out. there should be a few on Facebook though, so go for your life!
Anyway...Osaka, I haven't seen much more of it that the airport, train station, hotel and attached restaurant row, but so far it's pretty much everything that TV, the internet and animes have led me to believe Japan would be like. (Minus the beer-drinking penguins, unfortunately.) There are hilarious billboards, advertising the health benefits of 'Green Cholera', little flag-curtain things hanging over the doorways of restaurants, and highly confusing food products.
There is also booze in the vending machines, which makes me think that this is a far better destination for schoolies. I didn't realise, at first, that I was purchasing a beverage from the 'Alcohol Corner' and was quite schocked to find my lemonade burning my throat with the fury of a thousands vodka shots. Mother took upon herself the onerous task of drinking the rest and got quite squiffy. By the way, Drunk Mum lies on a hotel bed, pissing herself laughing over the fact that the Japanese word for 'Spain' is 'Spain'. Yep, hilarious.
The food's great, even the fast food. However, we had the awkward task of trying to explain at 10pm to the guy at the tempura place that we didn't want pork. I can only say 'Iie katsu' so many times before I hit someone. But he got it eventually, and the result was DELICIOUS FRIED GOODNESS. Mmmmm...
Ooh! There are also hilariously shaped sculptures in the hotel lobby. Oh, the joy and wonder I felt upon seeing this piece of 'art'. Unfortunately, I can't post it here right now, but again, look on Facebook. You'll know the one I'm talking about.
The TV is as bizarre as Youtube would have us believe, by the way. Especially the ads. If you've seen the Mr Sparkle episode of The Simpsons, it's something like that, only better. The hotel room is also really high tech. The light switches are all flat and futuristic-looking, the toilet has an unnecessarily large range of buttons and bidet options, and the mirror in the bathroom has a heated patch, so that when the bathroom's all steamy, there is a fogless section of mirror! OMG!
The hotel lobby, on the other hand, appears to be trying to be The Plaza in New York. There are bellboys with those big golden trolleys with the arching handles on them. Also, the floors and countertops are stone and there's a really bitchin' chandelier like...everywhere. And an indoor garden with trees. Don't forget the indoor garden with trees!
Finally, I should mention the abject terror one feels at every moment. It's the terror of committing a terrible faux pas. Like Mum. Nearly eating miso soup with a spoon. I could have DIED! Oh, the humiliation!
OH, one more thing. About the flight over here:
1. There was the most obnoxious man in the metal-detector line AND on the plane. He needed to be hit. Hard.
2. Free socks. What's not to love?
3. They played Gotye as we disembarked. It made me deliriously happy.
That's all for now. I hope to be able to provide pictures by the next post. Cheerio!
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